Tall Towers |
As you may can see from the rest of my post I love taking quizzes about myself and learning about others through quizzes and test like these. One of my favorite quizzes is the 5 love languages quiz. The quiz asks you questions about what is most meaningful to you in relationships and in friendships.
Here are my results:
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These past two semester I have gotten way more into my horoscope and my sign. I have looked up my star and moon sign and both are Aries. You star sign is according to your birthday. Your moon sign depends on what time and what year you were born in. Most people have two different signs because one sign doesn't fit them perfectly. Well Aries describes me to a T. You have probably never noticed but when they list the horoscopes or describe the signs they always put Aries first. This confused me for a while because Aries weren't born until March or April. So why are we first? Well it's because we always have to be first or we get mad. As much as I wish that wasn't true about me it totally is. Below I'm going to put some quotes about Aries from different websites I've pulled from.
Let me tell y'all a story. I'm still pretty mad so this may be rude.
Anyways, I was supposed to hang out with this guy tonight. We've been texting back and forth for a while now and tonight was the first time we were supposed to hang out. I got off work almost two hours later than I was supposed to so I asked if we could hang out a little later. Instead of saying yeah or that we could reschedule for a different day he instead sent me a picture of him cuddling with two girls. What a freakin jerk. This whole situation makes me want to just give up dating for a while. I'm going to keep trying though. Not because I need a boyfriend or anything but because I feel like I learn a lot from these situations that I need to know. Anyways hope everyone is doing welll. We all know the city rules. On May 10th every year we go into our bunkers. I'm not sure of the reason I just know we do it. As I kid I always dreaded this day. A day without sunlight, without drawing with chalk on the sidewalk, without going for a swim or running in the sprinklers. As I got older I began to enjoy this day. I was able to nap, catch up on reading, do homework, work on art projects I had been meaning to do for months. Two day ago, May 9th, I had all my stuff together. My current favorite read, my favorite pillow and blanket, my doodle notebook, and plenty of snacks. When I lived with my mom she always packed the best snacks. This is my first year that I would be doing this alone because I had recently moved out. I have to admit I was a little nervous, but also excited. I had the whole day to be completely alone. No interruptions from my phone, no one calling to ask if I could cover their shift, just a day full of relaxation.
May 10th was anything but relaxing for me. We are all supposed to be in our bunkers by 6am. They automatically lock at 6:05am. I must have missed my alarm because I woke up to the sound of gun shots at 7am. A wave of panic went over me. I thought this would be the day I die. Obviously I didn't. Thankfully I'm still here and can tell you what I found out happens on May 10th. Something we lost in translation years ago, you can now all know. I have a feeling after this gets out I will face major repercussions from... well you'll find out from who causes this soon enough, just keep reading. I found out that on May 10th the military is sent out to kill animals so the people of the town would have meat for the next year. They also kill people who are not in their bunkers. We are feed friends and family without even knowing it. The military are all dressed in hazmat suits. They have a small radiation blast go out through the whole city. Just enough to kill the people that aren’t in their bunkers that day. I’m still not sure how I survived the radiation. We had always heard the horror stories of people disappearing if they weren’t in their bunkers by 6am sharp. Now I know where they went. The military also bugs each house. They have new microphones as well and cameras installed each year. They don’t want them to break in fear of not being able to track our every move. Roads, electricity lines, and other things of the city are fixed ( though we always knew this part). I’m sure so much else is done this day too. I feared being caught and hid myself away for as much of the day as possible. I’ll say this. I will never miss my alarm to be in the bunker again. I may have been lucky enough to not been caught and survive the radiation this time. I’m sure I couldn’t be so lucky twice. The worst part is, what could we ever do to change what happens on this dreaded day? So I want to start writing fiction, not based on my life at all. I'll still be writing about my life too. This has almost become like a diary for me. I'll put if it's true or not on each post. Just thought I'd giving writing about something new a try.
I was having an awful night a few weeks ago. I had seen Lizzie. We aren't close anymore. I just happened to run into her at the mall before she had even told me she was home. I'm pretty sure that if she hadn't seen me she wouldn't have told me she was home or even tried to see me. It was so close to Christmas so, that sucks. I would think she would have wanted to see her best friend when she was home for Christmas. I know I wanted to. We both live on opposite sides of the country the rest of the year. Anyways we made small talk, she said she wanted to have lunch the next day to catch up. I knew she wouldn't actually call me for lunch but I accepted the offer anyways. Normally I would make the effort to call and keep our lunch plans but I don't have it in me anymore to keep this relationship one sided. It just all hit me later that night that it really seemed that I had lost her as my best friend. Sucked.
So this is hard. Part of me never wanted to write this. To be honest this post is going to be a little depressing, and for me, writing it is going to suck. So why would I write this? Closure, moving on, working through my feelings? I'm not really sure, I just know I need to write it.
When I was 14 I met a boy and oh how I loved this boy. At the time he was dating another girl, a girl I was close friends with. Awful, right? Because he was dating one of my friends I vowed never to act on my feelings, even if they broke up. At the time a break up between these two seemed nearly impossible. I thought it would never happen. So I never even thought dating him, falling more deeply in love with him, etc., would be an issue, until it was. Just a reminder that sometimes life sucks but it will get better. Just maybe not tomorrow. Give it time. You'll get through this. "You have to walk through the rain before you can reach the rainbow."
I have posted this post before, and then went back and edited it 10 billion times. Its a post I think I will have to continue to edit or add on to as time goes by, as I learn new things, and have new experiences.
I'm 20, soon to be 21. My love life up to this point has been far from easy. There have been so many ups and downs. But I have tried to learn something from each experience, whether it be good or bad or even breathtakingly terrible. These are some of the things I have learned. Most importantly that a guy does not define you. The amount of guys you have been with, the amount of guys that like your pictures, or the amount of guys heads turn when you walk by DOES NOT DEFINE YOU!!!! You are you, and nothing can change that. If you get anything from this post I hope you understand that you are worth so much, guys do not define you and you can decide what defines you. You can change who you are, you can decide what you want and it can change as many times as you desire. You get to choose. YOU! Don't forget that. So I model for a local magazine. It’s a small gig but for me it is amazing. I am also writing articles for the same magazine. I am now a beauty guru which is so cool. I have wanted to be a beauty guru of some kind for so long but the time was never right. Now it is and I am so glad. I am thankful God saved this chapter of my life for now. I have been going through a rough time and getting in front of the camera made me smile so wide I couldn’t stop (unless I was trying to be serious and model-y lol). It gave me something to look forward to and a reason to get dressed up. I also have loved writing articles and staying up to date on fashion.
So why am I telling you this????? Because you should model. I am not talking about applying to be a professional or even putting your pictures anywhere but you should put a cute outfit on and get someone to take pictures of you. Be fierce, fun, flirty, spunky, whatever you want to be. You can be a different person every time you take a picture. Turn the music up loud and start posing. You may feel silly at first but when you get comfortable you’ll love it. I know I did. |
"Her soul is a kaleidoscope.
Bursting with every shade and hue, but shift your gaze ever so slightly And she's something entirely new." - e.h. ![]() Between every two pines is a doorway to a new world. - John Muir
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