Tall Towers |
I was having an awful night a few weeks ago. I had seen Lizzie. We aren't close anymore. I just happened to run into her at the mall before she had even told me she was home. I'm pretty sure that if she hadn't seen me she wouldn't have told me she was home or even tried to see me. It was so close to Christmas so, that sucks. I would think she would have wanted to see her best friend when she was home for Christmas. I know I wanted to. We both live on opposite sides of the country the rest of the year. Anyways we made small talk, she said she wanted to have lunch the next day to catch up. I knew she wouldn't actually call me for lunch but I accepted the offer anyways. Normally I would make the effort to call and keep our lunch plans but I don't have it in me anymore to keep this relationship one sided. It just all hit me later that night that it really seemed that I had lost her as my best friend. Sucked. Earlier this same week I had also had a pretty severe medical scare. When this happened it seemed I wouldn't be able to go back to school. Which I want to do so bad. The college I go to does their semesters differently. We are on a 3 track system. We are assigned to two of the three semesters from the track. I have been assigned winter/spring. So I am there from January until July. This college is 24 hours away from home for me, so it is not like I can visit all the time when I'm off track. I was tired of being home. Though I love my family and spending time with them, there are only so many things you can do in my home town. I see the same people when I go to the grocery store, have the same schedule week after week. Anyways, you get the point. I miss my friends from college. I miss living in an apartment with lots of other girls to share stories with at the end of the night, and I miss taking classes (I'm sure I'll change my mind on that one as soon as classes start again). I was also just emotional because for some reason it is hard to be single in December.
I went home for a few hours after shopping and seeing Lizzie at the mall. I had vented to my mom. She suggested I called one of my close guy friends that I've been hanging out with since this summer, Danny. He didn't answer, so I went for a drive. I didn't want to sit at home and cry like a loser. So instead I drove around crying. Much better, right? I called Danny a few times more. No answer. I finally left a voicemail. I tried to hide it but it was so obvious I had been crying. I even had to pause during the voicemail because my voice kept cracking from the tears threatening to spill over. I eventually had to pull over and nearly fell out of the car gasping for breath because the crying had gotten so bad the more I drove. Danny never called back. He texted me several hours later. He said he had gotten my message and asked if I was okay. Obviously not. I told him no and he said sorry. That was all I heard. What a jerk. It was one of the worst nights and he couldn't even have the courtesy to pick up the phone or call me back. After all the times I've listen to him when he was having a hard time. Despite what I have told my mom and friends we were more than friends. We had kissed several times and talked about dating. Though because we knew I was leaving we were really hesitant to make anything official. When the medical scare happened and it seemed as I would stay he started to talk a lot more about dating. It was a possibility so we should try to give it a shot. So this hurt a lot more than just a friend not answering, he was a friend, but he was also a lot more. I still haven't heard anymore from him. I plan to go back to school soon. I guess at this point there isn't a point in trying to meet up to say goodbye. He's made it obvious he doesn't care. Even though all of this really sucky stuff has happened I am more excited than ever to go back to school. Guys can be a real sack of trash but I won't let that ruin this excitement. Conclusion guys suck but life doesn't.
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"Her soul is a kaleidoscope.
Bursting with every shade and hue, but shift your gaze ever so slightly And she's something entirely new." - e.h. Between every two pines is a doorway to a new world. - John Muir
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